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Maidens by ~Nynae:iconNynae:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Nature > Open




Upon the bank they slumbered,
lulled so by the song of sleepy brook.
There, warm fingers found them
and with a lover’s touch, they woke.

So languid did they shrug off their greenery
to bathe in brilliant birdsong.
The eastern wind saw; he sighed his pleasure,
and their faces, every color, bloomed along.
©2008-2009 ~Nynae
:iconnynae:

Author's Comments

The flowers of spring.

Comments


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:iconvingilote:
~Vingilote May 5, 2008, 4:17:11 AM
I really like this. The way you're blending human and natural imagery is very evocative. I also like the alliteration in "Bathe in the brilliant birdsong." Yay spring!
:iconnynae:
~Nynae May 5, 2008, 8:35:08 PM
Thanks! And yay spring indeed!

--
"The idea that counts in science must lead to fruitful work, not only to speculation that does not engender empirical test, no matter how much it stretches the mind."

~ Stephen J. Gould
:iconpahnna:
~Pahnna May 6, 2008, 9:12:12 AM
I agree with Vingilote about the alliteration and the imagery. The human-like imagery gives it a very sort of spiritual feel without being heavy-handed in any way. It's also just so simple and elegant. I like some of the word choices--"languid" "shrug" "sighed"--they really give the impression of just having woken up.
:iconnynae:
~Nynae May 6, 2008, 11:56:04 AM
Oh wow, Pahnna. Thanks! Is there anything you think I could improve upon?

--
"The idea that counts in science must lead to fruitful work, not only to speculation that does not engender empirical test, no matter how much it stretches the mind."

~ Stephen J. Gould
:iconpahnna:
~Pahnna May 6, 2008, 1:03:20 PM
Honestly, you seem to have already put thought into it and when you tinker with such a short piece like this, I think it loses some of its magic. I think it should stand the way it is. I'm excited to read more new stuff though... hint. hint.
:iconnynae:
~Nynae May 7, 2008, 9:45:24 AM
That would involve me finding inspiration and that's exhausting. Thank you though!

--
"The idea that counts in science must lead to fruitful work, not only to speculation that does not engender empirical test, no matter how much it stretches the mind."

~ Stephen J. Gould
:icononebardmojo:
*onebardmojo May 18, 2008, 4:54:43 AM
This is really beautiful. I love the imagery of human qualities given to nature. It really puts it into perspective.

--
Love is stronger than death. (Robert Fulghum)
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May 3, 2008
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