Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 

Keepers of Spring by ~Nynae:iconNynae:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Nature > Open


They hid the world in swirling clouds
'till all was mystery again.
And when the world was white with down,
they lay upon it, still.

They winked their mischief in half-light,
in Winter's frosted return.
"We know the secret of Spring," they boasted.
"And we alone shall keep it!"
©2008-2009 ~Nynae
:iconnynae:

Author's Comments

Well I wasn't really happy with Sanctuary. I think a lot of the metaphors were cliche and it didn't match up or even really compliment the styles of my other two season poems. Those two I feel are kinda... Grecco-Roman mythology-esque with their personification of things in nature. So I've attempted to do that here as well.

I'm not quite happy with it. I think the flow is a bit funny and I will definitely revisit this. If you have suggestions, criticism, any critique to offer, please do so. I would greatly appreciate it!

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconvioletsorceress:
~violetsorceress Feb 16, 2008, 12:23:07 PM
I like the suggestion of mischief and secrecy in it. I think you could do more with line four, even if just to say that "they" (whom I envision almost more as snow fairies or elves, rather than Greco-Roman deities) are doing something more active than lying down. Playing in the snow? Dancing, maybe? The word "return" in line six also seems like it could be replaced with something more interesting.

Otherwise, I think it's lovely. The flow is excellent. As always, I love the brevity and expressiveness of your poems.
:icononebardmojo:
*onebardmojo Feb 16, 2008, 7:19:02 PM
My mountain resembles this poem! I like it.

--
Love is stronger than death. (Robert Fulghum)
:iconnynae:
~Nynae Feb 16, 2008, 8:34:45 PM
Actually I was writing the 'they' as snowflakes in a sort of Grecco-Roman nature-as-mischievous-lesser-gods sort of way, but still physically in the shape of snowflakes. So they wouldn't be playing in the snow, they are the snow.

But I do agree. That is one of the lines that I'd been looking at and thinking about what to do.

I also agree with the sixth line. I could think of something much better than return. I had actually just recently played with the fifth and sixth line (and the seventh) and came up with something I liked a bit better so took it out of scraps. I'm always playing with these things and it always seems as though I'm never happy with them. It will most likely have another incarnation!

--
"The idea that counts in science must lead to fruitful work, not only to speculation that does not engender empirical test, no matter how much it stretches the mind."

~ Stephen J. Gould
:iconnynae:
~Nynae Feb 16, 2008, 8:35:05 PM
Hehe! Thanks.

--
"The idea that counts in science must lead to fruitful work, not only to speculation that does not engender empirical test, no matter how much it stretches the mind."

~ Stephen J. Gould
:iconvingilote:
~Vingilote Feb 18, 2008, 5:47:32 AM
I like it! I think the 7th line is a little bit awkward in the meter, but maybe I'm just scanning it incorrectly.
:iconnynae:
~Nynae Feb 18, 2008, 11:07:53 AM
No, it is a bit awkward and that is one of the lines I've been monkeying with. It's better, but still not the best.

--
"The idea that counts in science must lead to fruitful work, not only to speculation that does not engender empirical test, no matter how much it stretches the mind."

~ Stephen J. Gould
Previous PageNext Page

Details

February 1, 2008
420 bytes

Statistics

6
0
70 (0 today)
1 (0 today)

Site Map

©2009 deviantART. All rights reserved
About Us | Contact Us | Site Tour | Help & FAQ Advertise | Services Etiquette | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Copyright Policy